P Is for Useless

Women’s fashion can be annoying. Not only is the current trend toward showing off your butt, bust, and belly, but the clothes are really impractical. Yes, I know, many women like that stuff. I … do not. I prefer my clothes comfy, modest, and practical.

Even when I can find pants that have the belt above my rear end, they still have a major issue. Pockets. The pockets on women’s pants – if they’re present at all – are totally useless. Many times they’re sewn shut, not really a pocket at all but just a layer of material to look like a pocket. Even on the ones that you can pick the stitching apart to get to the pocket … or the ones that have real pockets … they’re hardly deep enough to hide a tube of lip balm or my pedometer. Keys? Wallet? Never mind. If I want real pockets, ones that can actually hold stuff, I have to buy my pants in the boys’ section of the store and then hope there’s enough extra hem for me to lengthen them so I’m not wearing long capris. So, that’s why P is for Useless.

I can hear some of my guy friends now. “Why do you need pockets when you carry that miniature suitcase everywhere?”

Well, O creature blessed with real pockets, there really are times when having that “miniature suitcase” is not feasible. There are times when carrying a purse is a burden I don’t want or can’t do.

An example, perhaps.

Last Thanksgiving, I was working retail in a large company. Naturally, because so many Americans can’t wait to trample each other in stores on the off-chance of getting a deal on something, I got to work on the holiday itself. Most days, I can go drop off my “suitcase” in my locker in the back, but this time, that wasn’t going to be feasible (long story, not interesting), my car has no trunk, and leaving my personal gear in the vision center is totally NOT ALLOWED … like it would apparently cause sinkholes to open under the store and swallow everyone alive. I haven’t actually witnessed that happen, but the one time I hung up my very own sweater on the peg where my lab coat goes … a person in charge was not amused. Imagine if I put my purse in there.

(c) 2012 International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons //Retrieved from Flickr Creative Commons and used unchanged

(c) 2012 International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons //Retrieved from Flickr Creative Commons and used unchanged

I needed to be able to carry stuff (like keys, glasses, wallet, etc.) but couldn’t have my purse and couldn’t leave it in the vision center and couldn’t just carry it in my hands. Pockets sure would’ve been handy.

Fortunately, I did have a pair of pants I had bought in the boys’ section. They were a tad short, but they did the trick, and I was able to survive the adventure without sinkholes and nuclear detonations.

For next time: Q is for Warm.


2 thoughts on “P Is for Useless

  1. Another interesting bit from your delightful inner thoughts.


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